How do you deal with being in the closet while hearing your parents say hurtful things about people like you?

Signed,

Closeted

Dear Closeted,

It always sucks when people you look up to disappoint/let you down, whether that be in actions or verbal comments. I, personally, am bisexual and gender non-conforming (out about being bi), with my family being religious and not very supportive. When in the closet about being bi, I did many things to help lessen the blow of hurtful comments said by friends and family.

I do not know if your parents are very religious, old-fashioned, uneducated on the LGBTQ community, or just plainly homophobic. In any case, it does not excuse the hurtful comments or the way the comments dig into you. If you are trying to slowly come out or hint at your gender/sexuality, then I suggest you first know the reason as to why they comment such things. Find a close network of friends or even classmates who know what you are going through or even went through/are going through the same thing.

Play music that you can relate to. Some of my favorite playlist on YouTube are “ftm body dysphoria|playlist”, “questioning you gender/sexuality at 3 am; a playlist”, ” ‘I was once a hero too’ (queer coded villain playlist)”, and “growing up in society’s standards | a playlist”. They are also multiple LGBTQ+ Youtubers that you can watch. If you are trans(FTM,MTF, NB, etc), dress the way you would like. If you feel more feminine, wear makeup if you can such as clear chapstick, mascara, clear fingernail polish, “feminine” smelling lotion and body wash. If you feel more masculine, wear oversize hoodies and flannels(what I do), cut your hair if you can safely, use “masculine” deodorant and body wash. These are just ideas, wear and do whatever you feel comfortable and can do safely. Wear a sports bra to bind your chest. Do not use Ace Bandages or anything of the like, it can cause irreversible damage.

In the end, know that you are valid and loved. Dress however you what and love whoever you love. No one can determine who you’re supposed to be, except yourself.

-T