I never realized how many things I hated.

Honestly, it’s kind of liberating.

I hate uncomfortable high school chairs.

We have to sit in them for seven hours a day when they’re made out of the most vulgar materials on the planet.

I hate those long, boring homework assignments.

Honestly, I could fall asleep just looking at them.

I hate the hard assignments even more,

The stress is unbearable and my eyes sting.

I hate all the emotions I can’t control.

I can’t stop crying when I want to and I have to get someone else to do it for me.

I hate the way I’m terrified to go to school everyday.

I never know which one is gonna be my last.

I hate hearing all the bangs and booms from down the hall.

I hate barricading the door;

 I hate when the lights go out;

I hate when the announcement starts.

I hate being surrounded on all sides by kids who don’t see it the same way I do.

I hate it when they laugh,

When they joke,

When they talk.

I hate sitting next to them in the dark and going back to that day.

Meanwhile, they’re fine.

I hate being the only one that’s not fine.

Why am I the only one that’s not fine?

Why just me?

Why me?

Why do I have to go back to the locker room?

Why do I have to relive the shower drips and the shaking and watching the giants fall?

Why do I have to sit there and wait to die all over again?

And they’re just there.

I think I changed my mind;

This isn’t liberating at all.